I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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