So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
