I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I just want to make out with him forever
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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