i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
