I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
