Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
