i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
