DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
