Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Randomize
