I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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