I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
