She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
