I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I am naked and annoyed.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
