I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
