it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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