He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
