we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
