So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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