And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
