You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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