Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
