my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
