This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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