Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
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