her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
