Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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