i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
