also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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