So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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