Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
