..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
The dick lei will go down in squad history
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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