oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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