Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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