I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I think weed is turning my hair brown
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Randomize
