my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
