I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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