hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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