ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
