Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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