At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Randomize
