sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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