Fuck appropriateness.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
