Need sex. Gaining weight.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
