he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
