I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
