i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
