for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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