you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Randomize
