Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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