IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
