Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
