you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
