You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
