Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
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