i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
