...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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