I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
